Dr N's solution to me feeling like I really wanted to go home was to have Dr M's wife take me to get ice cream and talk ("When is the last time you've had ice cream? See, that's your problem!" I like his methods). We never went to go get ice cream, but after talking to her I realized the major problems that have contributed to my feeling so down lately.
1. A few weeks ago I had a glorious week of seeing amazing things in London... only to be followed with frantically trying to keep up with homework and midterms. I never left the centre except for church. Since I can do homework just as well in Orem, I was frustrated that all I was doing here was homework. No wonder I was cranky.
2. I spent a lot of time by myself and then suddenly was bombarded with constant noise and people around me. For someone who would rather read a book than hang out with friends for the most part, it's kind of a nasty adjustment after the initial elation of not being all by myself in such a huge place. It only takes a few days to get used to things.
3. A lot of other people have developed pretty solid friendship groups. They hang out with the people in their groups and not much outside of it. I think once I noticed that I panicked because I don't really have one. I think once I realized that I gave up and didn't want to be around anyone anymore.
4. I've been sick most of the time here.
There were a few other things to, but these had the best solutions which Stacie helped me figure out.
1. Get out of the centre! As wonderful as it is here, I need to be out in London. Even if it means taking a little bit of a hit on homework assignments or staying up later. I've made it a goal to go out and do something, only if it's taking a walk, at least twice a week. I've also made a list of things I still haven't done yet that I really want to do. This should keep me from getting overwhelmed with homework and with the people around me.
2. At least once a week do something by myself. Hey, how many people do I need to go to the grocery store with anyway? Just some private time will probably go a long ways.
3. I have two choices here. I can either give up or try harder. The only people I really feel comfortable with are Dr M's daughters. Stacie offered to let me spend more time with them if I want. Or I can do small things to be more friendly. Say hi to people. If I'm going somewhere, ask if they would like to come with me. If someone asks me if I'm going somewhere, either accept or thank them nicely for the invite. Y'know. Things like that. I think some of those things have died off as time wore on. I don't have to suddenly turn into the Social Butterfly of London Winter 2012. I could just work a little bit harder. I've decided to do both. Hang out with the Masons but try to be more fun to be around. Also, to just let people get to know me better. I think I'm so overwhelmed most of the time that I keep forgetting that I'm awesome and they deserve the chance to know that.
4. Drink water. And lots of it. I'm going to start carrying a water bottle around with me and making sure I have one while I do my homework. It probably won't cure every problem but it's a good start.
Talking to her also made me realize that if I went home I'd regret it for the rest of my life. Things are hard now, but there have been wonderful shining moments in this and I'd hate to miss it. Even if things don't really get that much better, there will still be great moments even if it's just me by myself feeling sick.
So yesterday the Masons invited me to go to the Natural History Museum with them. I've been trying to go for weeks and hadn't made it yet. I meant to go to a museum today but decided that I needed a day off more than anything else so I just stayed home and relaxed. No homework even. The weather is fabulous though (sixty degrees, baby!) so I went for a walk and to the store, where I bought out Tesco's collection of Cadbury Chocolate. Hey. It was on sale. Best of all, I slept in all the way to seven o'clock and then for a few more hours this morning. I'm not feeling completely worn out. Just mostly. :)
So things are getting better. I'm feeling a little better. I have had my priorities realigned. I'm not feeling quite so sick. Half the group is traveling so it's quieter for a while. Midterms are mostly over, just one more after Paris. Things are looking up.
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