I've been counting down until the day of departure, but really, a week from today is the one I'm super excited about it. By this time next week I'll have seen Big Ben, Hyde Park, my home for the next few months, and I'll be getting ready to meet Mr. Ralph Fiennes. In case you don't know who that is, I will provide helpful pictures.
This guy.
But he'll probably look a lot more like this.
Can I just say that I AM SO EXCITED RIGHT NOW!?!?!
Anyways.
With six days before departure, things are getting intense. It's all becoming a lot more real. I've dreamed about going to England my entire life so it feels like a more detailed than usual dream. It's still hard to believe that in a few days, I'm going to see the places I've studied about and fantasized about going to for years. I'm working on packing, last minute shopping, finishing up work (two more days!), dealing with the fact that I really am leaving home, all that good stuff. I can't quite describe how it all feels, but let's just go with awesome. It feels AWESOME.
Whenever I do anything big, I find a quote that serves as a motto for what I want to do and who I want to become. I love quotes a lot so narrowing it down is always a challenge. I want to share what I've chosen for this adventure with you. The quote I've chosen is, "Wherever you go, go with all your heart" from Confucius. Look, I even found a nice image, see?
To me the quote means no regrets. No matter what you do, you're putting your all into it and loving it. You're loving the good parts and the bad parts because it's all part of the experience. One of the things that I was most worried about when trying to decide whether to go or not was that I didn't want to regret the choice I made later. I was terrified that if I went I'd regret going and if I didn't that I'd always regret not going. Now I think I would regret not going much more. At this point, I feel like the best thing I can do is go into the experience prepared for the good and the bad and ready to go an the adventure of a lifetime. I don't want to look back and think, "If only I'd done this" or "If only I'd had a better attitude when this happened." I want to be able to think about this experience years from now and have many fond memories, great stories, and at the person I became because of it. I hope that my motto reminds me that.
This will probably be my last post before departure, so, to be continued...
Lately I've been way more on the freaking out side of things than the, "YAY! LONDON! WHOOO-HOOO!" side. Last night I was up late staring at the ceiling (it's a lovely ceiling... it's purple!) just worrying.
What if I have no friends in the group? What if I end up all by myself, thousands of miles away from home, with no one to talk to me? What if they don't like me? What if I don't like London and I get really homesick? What happens if I pass out on a tour of something? What if I get airsick (I probably will)? What if it isn't everything I dreamed it would be? What if I forget something important? What if I run out of money and I have to skip many many meals? What if I get lost? What if I get so lost I never get UNlost? What if the economy collapses and I get stuck in the UK? What if all my friends back home forget me? What if they don't forget me but they don't really want me back either? What if, what if, what if. Some worries are a bit of a stretch. But they're all there, building up and causing panic.
And, of course, we always have to go back to our Tangled reference because, well, this is me.
And then my love of books kicked in and I remembered a scene from Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator (sequel to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory). Here it is:
"What if they come after us?" said Mr. Bucket, speaking for the first time.
"What if they capture us?" said Mrs. Bucket.
"What if they shoot us?" said Grandma Georgina.
"What if my beard were made of green spinach?" cried Mr. Wonka. "Bunkum and tummyrot! You'll never get anywhere if you go about what-iffing like that. Would Columbus have discovered America if he'd said 'What if I sink on the way over? What if I meet pirates? What if I never come back?' He wouldn't even have started! We want no what-iffers around here, right Charlie? Off we go, then!"
And then, remembering my good friend Mr. Wonka, I finally managed to fall asleep. But today, in spite of all the stuff going on (my brother came home from his mission today), that thought has been on my mind.
Above my bed I have many many quotes. I have a thing for quotes (see my other blog for proof). One of them is by Christopher Columbus. He said, "You cannot cross the ocean until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore." I think I printed it out right before I started college. Funny how I never thought it would be so literal.
I've always considered myself a coward. Everything scares me. It's not surprising that I've felt so panicked for the last few days. This is the craziest, most outgoing, out of character thing I've ever done. It's the adventure of a lifetime but also my first adventure alone. It's going to be good for me, but if I wasn't scared I would be missing something. I'm going to be several thousand miles away from home with people I don't know in a culture I'm not familiar with. I'm shy! I've been doing a lot better lately, but going up and talking to people still terrifies me. If someone talks to me, I'm thrilled, but me trying to go up and talk to people... not so good. Suddenly I'm going to have to talk to people around me. There is plenty to be afraid of.
But I know I'm doing the right thing. I'm supposed to go. I wouldn't be going if I hadn't been gently pushed into it by a loving Heavenly Father. I don't know what's waiting for me, but I told him I'd go where He wanted me to go in April when I went through a rough time, and it feels good to really be doing it. Of course I'm a little scared but I don't need to be. Will I be lonely sometimes? Will I get lost? Will I have some hungry days? Will I lose my friends at home? Probably. But you know what? Everything is going to be okay. I'mgoing to be okay.
So, to close, some words by one of my heroes: Dr. Suess in his book "Oh, the Places You'll Go!" Just my favorite parts (which, loosely translated, means almost all of it)
Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!
You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.
And when things start to happen,
don't worry. Don't stew.
Just go right along.
You'll start happening too.
OH!
THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!
You'll be on your way up!
You'll be seeing great sights!
You'll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.
You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you'll be the best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.
I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you.
All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot.
And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.
But on you will go
though the weather be foul
On you will go
though your enemies prowl
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl
Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.
On and on you will hike
and I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.
You'll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.
And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)
KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!
So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!
I'm not so scared anymore. Why? Well, for one thing, I plan on moving mountains. Not literal ones, but mountains inside of myself. I knew it was going to be hard and I decided I'd do it anyway. I guess I just needed to remember that.
Here is a lovely picture of my passport, my study abroad binder, and the class syllabi for every class I'll be taking while in London. Cool, huh?
It's weird to think that just over a month ago I wasn't even considering this. I looked into it but didn't think I'd ever actually go. And here I am, trying to arrange flights, getting a passport, looking into places in Europe I'd like to visit. Suddenly I have a lot to do that I never expected to be doing. It's been a little bit tricky trying to get everything in. A lot tricky, actually. I just try to keep reminding myself why I'm so busy and tired--it's part of the price for being able to go to Europe. I'm sure it'll all be worth it.
So, for updates, got my passport, still working on getting a flight, and so on. Good stuff.
Once upon a time there was a girl named Aylea. Unfortunately she had several strikes against her. She wasn't a princess, you see, or even a peasant girl with a heart of gold. She wasn't dazzlingly beautiful or revoltingly ugly. She couldn't sing so sweetly the whole forest would stop to listen. She was more or less ordinary. She didn't even have the advantage of being in a Medieval times atmosphere that never really existed but made fantastic stories.
But even so, the fair maiden managed to be happy. She worked, played, and lived with all the usual ups and downs, good times and bad. Her life was exciting but normal. However, in the year 2011 her story changed.
Ever since she was a smile child, she dreamed of visiting the magical land of England. She wanted so badly to visit Buckingham Palace, Baker Street, Kensington Gardens... She knew more about English history that she did about American history and would check out travel books from the library to read about the castles and museums there. It was a distant dream, one she kept in the back of her heart and assumed it would never happen. It was too much to hope for.
The child grew into a lovely young woman and decided to study at Brigham Young University. It was in Provo, Utah, but it was a good school and she learned much and grew into a better person there. Over a period of time, she looked into many options for traveling somewhere else. She lived at home, you see, and she wanted to go out and explore the world.
Strange things started happening. The study abroad fair happened to be in the area of campus she crossed one day so she stopped to pick up many fliers about the different programs. She happened to be in a class where study abroad studies were announced frequently. And the director of one of the study abroad programs happened to come to her class and give her the final push she needed to apply.
A friend of hers came over and helped her write an application paper. She found references to use. She paid the application fee. A few days later, she received an email asking when she could come in for an interview. She had made it to the first step! She went in for the interview and apparently impressed the program directors because the next day she received the following email: "Hi, Aylea. We just met to make admissions decisions for the Winter 2012 program at the London Centre, and I thought I'd pass along the good news that you've been admitted."
She rushed into the kitchen to have her family read the email. She was in the program! But there was a problem. Now she had to decide if she was going to go. It was the most agonizing decision of her life. Going would be a huge dream come true. She'd actually get to see in person the places she had dreamed, read, and studied about. It would be the experience of a lifetime. She wanted to go more than anything else in her entire life. But was it worth it? She would have to sacrifice a lot to get there, too many things to list in a blog post in fact. She would have to take out a loan and give up many things to be able to make it happen. She emailed the professors and mentioned that she might not be able to go. They offered to try to get her a scholarship. Not for the whole thing, but an amount that would help.
So she prayed, and she fasted, and she thought hard about the pros and cons. She agonized over every aspect of the decision. She worried and wondered how it could be possible. And then finally, the decision was made. She was going to make her dreams come true. She was going to London!
If you're wondering why this post is all in third person, it's because I can't quite believe it. Me? Going to London? For four months? Really? I'm insane. I have trouble going places by myself when I can call my parents at any time for directions. What am I going to do when I can only talk to them at certain times of the day and only about once a week, if that?
I don't know. It's going to be quite the adventure. And I'm inviting all of you to share it with me. I'm going to update this blog as often as possible with updates, both in preparing to leave and while I'm there. Read it, follow it, comment on the posts. I'm going to be a very long ways away from home and I'd greatly appreciate your support from home. So, if you're interested in hearing about my crazy adventures, welcome to the blog!
