What if I have no friends in the group? What if I end up all by myself, thousands of miles away from home, with no one to talk to me? What if they don't like me? What if I don't like London and I get really homesick? What happens if I pass out on a tour of something? What if I get airsick (I probably will)? What if it isn't everything I dreamed it would be? What if I forget something important? What if I run out of money and I have to skip many many meals? What if I get lost? What if I get so lost I never get UNlost? What if the economy collapses and I get stuck in the UK? What if all my friends back home forget me? What if they don't forget me but they don't really want me back either? What if, what if, what if. Some worries are a bit of a stretch. But they're all there, building up and causing panic.
And, of course, we always have to go back to our Tangled reference because, well, this is me.
And then my love of books kicked in and I remembered a scene from Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator (sequel to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory). Here it is:
"What if they come after us?" said Mr. Bucket, speaking for the first time.
"What if they capture us?" said Mrs. Bucket.
"What if they shoot us?" said Grandma Georgina.
"What if my beard were made of green spinach?" cried Mr. Wonka. "Bunkum and tummyrot! You'll never get anywhere if you go about what-iffing like that. Would Columbus have discovered America if he'd said 'What if I sink on the way over? What if I meet pirates? What if I never come back?' He wouldn't even have started! We want no what-iffers around here, right Charlie? Off we go, then!"
And then, remembering my good friend Mr. Wonka, I finally managed to fall asleep. But today, in spite of all the stuff going on (my brother came home from his mission today), that thought has been on my mind.
Above my bed I have many many quotes. I have a thing for quotes (see my other blog for proof). One of them is by Christopher Columbus. He said, "You cannot cross the ocean until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore." I think I printed it out right before I started college. Funny how I never thought it would be so literal.
I've always considered myself a coward. Everything scares me. It's not surprising that I've felt so panicked for the last few days. This is the craziest, most outgoing, out of character thing I've ever done. It's the adventure of a lifetime but also my first adventure alone. It's going to be good for me, but if I wasn't scared I would be missing something. I'm going to be several thousand miles away from home with people I don't know in a culture I'm not familiar with. I'm shy! I've been doing a lot better lately, but going up and talking to people still terrifies me. If someone talks to me, I'm thrilled, but me trying to go up and talk to people... not so good. Suddenly I'm going to have to talk to people around me. There is plenty to be afraid of.
But I know I'm doing the right thing. I'm supposed to go. I wouldn't be going if I hadn't been gently pushed into it by a loving Heavenly Father. I don't know what's waiting for me, but I told him I'd go where He wanted me to go in April when I went through a rough time, and it feels good to really be doing it. Of course I'm a little scared but I don't need to be. Will I be lonely sometimes? Will I get lost? Will I have some hungry days? Will I lose my friends at home? Probably. But you know what? Everything is going to be okay. I'm going to be okay.
So, to close, some words by one of my heroes: Dr. Suess in his book "Oh, the Places You'll Go!" Just my favorite parts (which, loosely translated, means almost all of it)
Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!
You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.
And when things start to happen,
don't worry. Don't stew.
Just go right along.
You'll start happening too.
OH!
THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!
You'll be on your way up!
You'll be seeing great sights!
You'll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.
You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you'll be the best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.
I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you.
All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot.
And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.
But on you will go
though the weather be foul
On you will go
though your enemies prowl
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl
Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.
On and on you will hike
and I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.
You'll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.
And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)
KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!
So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!
I'm not so scared anymore. Why? Well, for one thing, I plan on moving mountains. Not literal ones, but mountains inside of myself. I knew it was going to be hard and I decided I'd do it anyway. I guess I just needed to remember that.
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